I usually have a hard time letting people go.
Some friends and well-wishers told me that I don’t easily give in. I think they fail to realize that I do give in, only to my emotions.
I miss some people very badly. People who start a spark inside me, and then leave. A few months ago I was walking down the Boylston Street sidewalk, and noticed a violinist playing classical music. I stood there listening to him for 10 minutes, and then bought one of his untitled coverless CDs and came back home. After a few hours, I found myself going back to Boylston Street again in an attempt to find that guy. It’s not rare that a great piece of music brings tears to my eyes, only this time I had a chance to meet the genius who made it happen. I couldn’t find him obviously, but I keep an eye out for him in subways.
Speaking of subway, once I met this young lady who was playing a guitar and singing Arabic songs in the Central Square subway station. I sat beside her, smiling. A few Ashmont-bound trains passed by, I was getting really late for a meeting at MIT, but I was enchanted by her music. She understood, and smiled back at me. We were speaking through smiles, and she kept singing. I knew it was meant for me. I had to leave when the next train came. I looked at her, and she nodded. I had her permission to leave. We smiled at each other, and parted in our ways.
We walk away from these fleeting but strong bonds, because we have to. In some alternate universe, we might see relationships forming out of these simple yet powerful interactions, but may be not in this universe. This universe teaches us to move on, for our own good, because we have to. Logic pushes us to look away and walk our own path. And so I do, and you do. We all do. Ignoring the heart, listening to the head. Because we have to.
I know I will meet these people again, in some way or other, in strange circumstances. However, I know that it won’t spark the same emotion like the first time when we felt a bond. It will be a casual encounter.
Last night, Sujoy bhai was smiling back at me before I was leaving, and I couldn’t help but say, “bhai your smile is going to make me miss you.” Unfortunately I’m not good with words (read scared) in front of smart girls, so I just gave a hug to Tapoti apu.
Words can’t express how I feel when I have to kill these emotions — killing a newborn child is not easy. However, my human capabilities will only let me communicate through words. So here it goes, after the big preamble to explain the context behind these words:
Sujoy bhai and Tapoti apu, I will miss you.